i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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