Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize