I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
