He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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