But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
