Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
