Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
