Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
