Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
