walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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