I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm at about main and main street
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
