what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
handjob tips. give me some.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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