It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
