I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This toilet bowl is my home.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
