it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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