Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
