Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
