I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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