you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
