about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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