the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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