No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
