a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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