I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
