Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
