just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize