and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
