im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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