it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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