I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
