the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
