2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize