You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Mom said you looked used
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
