my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
