3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
