So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
