it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize