By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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