If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
