Your mouth is God's brothel.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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