I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
