Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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