I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
