GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
oh god was she eating orange peels again
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
