and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
