I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
