i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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