She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
