I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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