all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
