Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
