Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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