a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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