I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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