It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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