Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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