Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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