My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize