I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
