i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
