Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize