Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
