I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
