Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
