his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
