and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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