He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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