I think my vagina is haunted
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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