Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
