The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
