Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
