So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
