I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
