I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
