i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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