she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
pop tarts are not kleenex
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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