oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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