Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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